Here without you Renesmee & Jacob
by KstewArmyx
Summary: Renesmee's Love for Jacob is killing her. She wants him more than anything. They love each other, but it's not as easy as that. Sometimes it takes losing someone to realise what you had.
1. Nightmares

**Renesmee**

"AHHHHHH" I screamed, I was awoken by the terrifying nightmares that would replay on my mind every single night. The red eyes, burning into mine. The fear on my mothers face, as we were sentenced to die. My fathers worry as he kissed my mother and promised her that everything would be okay. Jacobs arms cradled around my small body, as if he would never let them have me. Alice and Jaspers disappearance for my own safety. Rosalie playing with my auburn curls as if it was the last time she would ever get to do it. Putting many vampires and werewolves in danger just too keep me alive, just to witness that i was not an immortal child, and that i was conceived by a human woman. My beautiful immortal family almost killed because of me. I hated myself for that, and I always would.

"Shhh.." I felt the cold hands touch my arm. I looked up too my beautiful mothers face in the darkness, I hadn't even heard her climb under the blankets by my side, but she was there comforting me like she did every night I had a nightmare, sometimes it would be my father. But mostly her, the gorgeous woman who's human life was taken away because of me, Her golden eyes were staring at me, and her beautiful lips were curved up into a slight smile.

"Same dream?" I rolled my eyes and placed my hand to her cold pale cheek. I showed her my nightmare, and felt her cringe.

"Baby, they are not coming for you" she said quietly and softly, she led by my side, her fingers twirling in my auburn hair. There was a knock at that door then, which startled me.

"Is everything okay? What's wrong Ness?" Jacobs husky voice came from behind the wooden door.

"can I come in?" he said again.

"Its okay Jake, I'm fine. I'll see you in the morning okay.. go too sleep its late" My eye lids were heavy now, I could feel them shutting as my mother played with my hair.

"Okay.. I'm coming in" he whispered.

"Of course he is" My mother mumbled sarcastically, her eyes didn't leave my face as Jacob walked into my room. I didn't open my eyes, but knew he was there. I could hear his strong heavy breathing, and could feel his heat as he stood just a few feet away from me. Jacob knelt by the side of my bed, and stroked my face. I opened my eyes and smiled. It was like he didn't even notice my mother led right next too me.

"Another nightmare eh?" I didn't have to answer, instead I placed my hand too his cheek and showed him.

"Ah Ness, your so silly sometimes" He was joking of course. He placed his lips too my forehead and whispered in my ear.

"love you Ness, now go too sleep, no more of your nonsense okay?" he left the room with a husky giggle.

I was asleep in seconds. But I was still dreaming, this time it wasn't nightmares, it was good dreams, happy dreams. They were not memories, just things that I want in the future. Jacob by my side, surrounded by our dark headed children (if I could have children that is, we still don't know if I have the full reproductive system) Me and Jacob were not together. We were friends, the best of friends. I looked just 15 years of age, and we told everyone that that's how old I was. And Jacob had told my father that he wouldn't ask if I wanted to be his forever until my 16th birthday. This day was coming too slow, and I didn't want too wait any more. I knew I loved him, I knew I wanted to be his, and him to be mine. But he wanted me too have the "whole human experience" first, he wanted me too meet guys, have fun, make friends. But I didn't want any of that, the only thing I wanted was Jacob, and I couldn't see that changing any time soon.

**I know its short, i have some of the other chapters already written. And i will post them ASAP.**


	2. i love you

I woke up to the sun bursting through my window. I squinted and rubbed my eyes. I was so thirsty, I could feel the burning in my throat. I sat up on the side of my bed and yawned. I walked over to my window and opened it wide. It was a beautiful day for Forks Washington, the birds tweeting outside my window cheered me up. I looked into the beautiful modern mirror which hung on my wall. My auburn hair hung shaggy and matted down my back, my body looked small and fragile in one of Jacobs t-shirts. I did not find myself attractive. Jacob would call me the most beautiful girl in the world. But I couldn't see it. I looked boring and plain next to My mother, aunties and grandmother. They were all exquisitely beautiful. It hurt too even think about it.

After I had showered, I left my hair hang loose and wavy down my back, put on a pair of jeans and a purple tank-top. Casual, boring, same old. I skipped down the stairs too notice my house was full. All of the Cullens were sat in the living room, as was Jacob and Seth, Grandpa Charlie was also there, as soon as he saw me, he ran over and hugged me.

"You get more and more beautiful everyday Ness" He said with a comforting smile.

"Thank you so much Charlie" He insisted I called him Charlie, as he hated the thought of being called grandpa, he said it reminded him of his age.

I took in the room around me. Jacob was staring at me with a big grin, I grinned back at him. My mother and father were sat on the sofa curled in each others arms. Emmet was watching and screaming at the TV whilst Seth sat staring at him, he kinda looked scared. Rosalie was taking instructions by Alice on how to arrange flowers. I couldn't help but laugh. Esme was cooking in the kitchen, I smelt the beautiful human food, but no matter how beautiful it smelt, it smelt nowhere as good as blood. Carlisle was once again reading, I wasn't even sure if there was any more books left in the world that he hadn't read.

"Jake? You want to come hunting?" I didn't have too ask twice, Jacob was already on his feet and rushing out the door.

"Ill see you all later" I had a "see you later" off everyone and I followed Jacob out the front door. He wasn't anywhere too be seen. He had probably gone in front of me too phase, I started running too catch up with him. I finally caught up with the big sandy coloured wolf and we ran in silence. Once we reached the mountain, Jacob phased back into his human form and walked slowly by my side.

"So how are you feeling about starting school tomorrow? Got to be kinda nervous huh?" He asked. I smiled, but didn't look at him.

"I'm excited actually, you know, I get too meet normal people for once, get to bond with girls who are ageing, girls who are not going to live forever" I realised what I had said after I had said it.

"I am normal Ness.. you know that right? My heart still beats" He looked offended as he looked down at me, his eyes slanted into a frown.

"I didn't mean it like that Jake.. I meant just people who don't know that immortals exist. People who don't know that men can phase into giant wolves" I was so crap at explaining myself.

He didn't answer but grabbed my hand, and we walked hand in hand across the field. I wanted too tell him now, I wanted too tell him that I loved him and I wanted to be with him more than I wanted anything else in the world. We were just friends for now, but I couldn't take the need of wanting him any more, I wanted him more than I wanted blood. I stopped and looked into Jacobs brown eyes, he was so tall I was sure I was going to get whiplash from looking up at him. I placed my hand too his cheek, I showed him everything from the first day I saw him. I could see him smile as he watched the memories, as if he was happy that they were there too. Once I had shown him everything, I kept my hand on his burning hot cheek, I saw him look down at my lips as we stared each other in the eye. I felt the passion and urge to kiss him build up in my body, I closed my eyes and reached up too kiss his soft lips, I could feel his warm breath on my skin and then he turned his head.

I looked at him with confusion in my eyes, but he did not look at me, he looked hurt. I moved away from him and stood in silence waiting for him too say something. My emotions were going wild, Where was Jasper when you needed him? I felt rejection, anger, sadness, passion, confusion. But even though I felt all this, I didn't want too lose him, I wanted him in my life whether he was my best friend or the one I would spend forever with.

"I'm sorry" I stuttered, I still didn't move. His head turned too look at me and he bit down at his bottom lip.

"For what?" he said.

"Well I just made a move and you didn't exactly seem too fond on the idea" what else was I supposed too say?

"You actually think that's true?" He moved forward too me and looked into my eyes. "Ness I love you more than anyone, more than anything, but your 15. I wont allow it. Not yet"

I could feel the tears starting too fill up in my eyes and then I felt it rolling down my cheek. Jacob reached over and kissed the tear away. He wrapped his huge arms around me and kissed my forehead.

"Don't cry Ness, I wish you were a few years older so this could be different, I really do" I pushed Jacob off me then and started walking beside him, we walked in silence until we reached home.


	3. The pain

By the time I got home it was already 6.00pm. Where had the day gone? I was too tired to hang around with my family, I just wanted to be on my own, I had an early start in the morning. First day of high school. None of my family was too fond on the idea of me starting a human life, the way they all had. They still wouldn't explain why. I stormed up the stairs and felt Jacob's eyes watching me stomp off like a typical stroppy teenager. I heard my dad's fierce words to Jacob.

"Stop leading her on Jacob. If you want too wait until she's 16 then you need to start acting as if your only friends" My dad must of read his and my mind as soon as we walked through the door.

"How am I leading her on?" she's on the one who tried too kiss me, remember?"

"What!" My mother said.

"Holding her hand is enough Jacob. Telling her you love her all the time, how do you think a teenage girl is supposed to take that? I know it doesn't seem like she's a teenager, she looks and acts much older, but emotionally she is still a teenager Jacob. Be her best friend for now, stop giving her the wrong impression, okay?" Why was my dad always right in everything he said?

There was no reply from Jacob. But there was a knock on my door.

"Hey honey, can I come in?"

"Sure dad" I wiped the tears from my eyes, I didn't want to give my father a good excuse too kill Jacob. My father opened the door and walked over to where I was sat, he sat next too me and placed his cold arms around my shoulders.

"Do you want too tell me what's going on Ness?" he asked.

"Do I have too? Cant you just read my mind" I replied without looking at him.

"I could yes. But I think it would be better if you explained it yourself" he was looking at me, trying to read my facial expressions most probably. He knew every emotion I had by just looking at my face. He said I was exactly like my mother at showing my emotions. I sighed and tried too push out the words that were replaying in my head.

" I love him dad" I turned too look at him then, and the tears started rolling down my cheek as I saw the pain I held inside of me replay on him.

He stroked my cheek with his cold pale hand and pressed me into his stone chest. I held onto my father soaking his shirt with my sobs. We sat like that for a few minutes and then Jacob walked into my room. My dad let out a little growl and then kissed me on the forehead. He lifted up my face and looked into my eyes.

"You going to be okay?" I nodded and then turned to Jacob, my dad was already gone. Jacob come and sat in the same spot my dad was sat and the cold arms that where wrapped around me were replaced by warm arms. I put my head into his chest just like I did with my father. We were froze in silent for a minute and then he spoke.

"I'm sorry" he said. I turned too look at him, my hand on his thigh.

"Don't be" I replied

"Don't do that Ness!" He was on his feet now. Walking back and forth my room with his head in his hands.

"don't do what? What have I done?"

"You haven't done anything, that's the annoying thing. You always think its you, you always try and make me feel better. When I know its my fault. Why cant you just sit there and tell me how upset you are? How much I've hurt you? Just like Bella" He was staring at me now, waiting for my response.

"I can't do that Jake"

"Why? I deserve it, I'm an idiot" I smiled at his words, and walked over too him I wrapped my arms around him, and kissed him softly on his warm neck. I wanted him too wrap his arms around me too, but he didn't he left them hang by his sides as if he was afraid I was going to make a move again. I couldn't be bothered any more. I walked over too my bed and climbed under the covers, it was still light outside, but I was so emotionally exhausted, I just wanted too rest my head.

"Night Jake" I whispered. I didn't turn too look at him as he walked out of the room in silence. He slammed my door and I heard his heavy feet stamp down my stairs. The need for him was worse now, I hated leaving it like that, the tears were still streaming down my face, my pillow was soaked, but I didn't care. I tried thinking of other things too take my mind off Jacob. But no matter what I thought of my mind would drift too him. I tried thinking about the friends I would make tomorrow and somehow I would end up thinking "I wonder if Jacob would like them" I began drifting into unconsciousness and the next thing I knew my alarm was beeping by the side of my bed.


	4. First day

"Good morning sleeping beauty" I woke too Jacob led beside me playing with my hair. He smiled at me and then kissed my forehead.

"You in a better mood today?" I asked.

"I'm always in a good mood" he grinned at me. "Now come on, get yourself ready, I'm driving you too school" He left the room and I could hear him walking down the stairs whistling happily. What was up with him? Oh well, this was a good thing. I jumped into a warm shower, and got myself ready for my first day at high school. I didn't know what too think, was I excited? Nervous? Scared? I couldn't tell what emotion I was feeling. I let my hair hang loose down my sides, I threw on a pair of jeans and a blue sweater. I applied a little bit of mascara and lip gloss, and skipped down the stairs too say goodbye to my family.

My mother grabbed me and held onto me tight for a minute. If vampires could cry I know she would be crying, my father hugged me and smiled at Jacob. I said my goodbyes and gave each of them a hug.

"Right, lets go then" Jacob said. I followed him out the door too my mother's Mercedes. He opened the passenger door for me and I jumped in. He got into the car and started the engine, he didn't speak, he reached over and turned on the radio, louder than usual. How was he in such a good mood? Then he started singing too it. That was NOT Jacob.

"Are you on drugs Jacob?" He laughed.

"Even if I was on drugs I don't think my body would react very well with them do you? I am allowed too be happy ain't I Ness?"

"Course you are, I just mean that you wasn't exactly over the moon last night and today your like you just won the lottery" He laughed again, but didn't take his eyes off the road, He reached down too turn the radio down, and sighed.

"I think Jasper got too me" he said. Why would Jasper care if Jacob was upset or not? "Okay you look confused so I'll tell you the truth, me and your father was up most of the night.. talking"

I laughed. "You.. and my dad? Huh?"

"Yeah that was exactly my reaction.. you know that man is ALWAYS write, without fail. He knows exactly what he's talking about, I don't know how Bella puts up with him, he drives me insane"

"Get to the point Jacob, what was you and my dad talking about?" I was frustrated now, my father and Jacob hated each other, so what would my father had said to Jacob too cheer him up?

"We talked about you mostly"

"Me? What was you saying about me"

"Well he can read my mind, so I didn't really have too say anything about you, he just talked about what I should do and stuff.. nothing really"

I frowned at him "And that has made you in a better mood? Yeah yeah Jacob"

"I'm not joking Ness, I realised a lot last night.. anyway we'll talk about this later okay.. pick you up at 3:30pm? Deal? Good" I hadn't realised that we were parked outside of Forks High school. My heart started racing. I knew what emotion I felt now. I was most definitely nervous. Jacob saw the panic hit my face he reached over and placed his warm hand to my cheek and looked into my eyes, Jacob had the most beautiful brown eyes, as soon as I looked into them, I was done. I would forget everything else and all that mattered was him.

"Hey.. silly billy, you'll be fine, I promise.. if you want to come home, or if anything bad happens, call me, I'll be here in seconds" he placed his lips to my forehead. And moved away from me, he was looking at me with a huge smile on his face, that made me feel better. I reached for the door handle and got out of the car, I noticed hundreds of human eyes on me as I got out of the Mercedes, I forgot that the car had tinted windows, so they were all probably wondering who was in the amazing black car.

I walked through the parking lot, not looking at anyone, but I knew everyone was staring, I wanted to shout at them and ask them all what there problem was. I text Jacob then.

"They are all staring at me. Nessie xx"

He text me back in seconds.

"Of course they are staring, your the most beautiful girl in the world, why wouldn't they stare. Jake xo"

I walked into the building with a smile on my face. People must of thought I was so weird. I stopped at the doors taking in the corridor, where was reception? Someone tapped my shoulder then. A very good looking boy was stood in front of me, he had big blue eyes, and dark spiked hair. He was quite tall, not as tall as Jacob but he was tall. He wore a T-shirt and hipster jeans. I noticed I was staring and turned away from this beautiful boy stood in front of me. I looked back at him and he was smiling.

"I'm Liam.. you look kinda lost" as he spoke I noticed his beautiful British accent.

"I'm Renesmee, you can call me Nessie though" I managed too get the words out and he smiled again, was there anything this guy didn't have that wasn't beautiful. His smile gave me butterflies. No other guy apart from Jacob had ever gave me butterflies, this was bad, I could feel it.

"Pretty name.. are you looking for someone? Or somewhere? I could help you" His face was serious now. I looked around and still there were human teenagers everywhere, there eyes burning into me.

"That would be great, Thanks" He looked happy that I had agreed to let him help me. "I'm looking for reception"

"Oh that's just down here, come on I'll show you" I was following him and then we finally got to reception.

"Here you go, see that wasn't so hard was it?" He smiled at me again. "I'll see you around beautiful girl" and he walked off from me.. he stopped and turned too look back at me, I noticed I had been staring at him walk away. How embarrassing. I smiled at him and walked into reception.

I stood in reception, the lady at the counter didn't turn too look at me, I tried coughing so she knew I was there, but she still didn't turn and look at me.. I walked over too the desk.

"Hi, I'm starting today, I was wondering if you could give me my class sheet, so I know what classes I have and stuff" the woman still didn't look at me, she was writing on an envelope and totally ignored me. How could someone be so rude?

"I don't know if you knew I was coming, my names Renesmee Cullen" her head rose up too look at me once she heard my last name. She looked at me with wonder and amazement on her face.

"Cullen.. Ahh of course your a Cullen, I can see that by just looking at you" This woman must have been working here for a while too know who my family were.

"So which one are you?" she said. "Who's your mother and father?"

"My father's Edward Cullen" She smiled as I said his name.

"I remember Edward, such a beautiful intelligent young man, and your mother?"

"My mother's Bella Swan" She looked shocked as I said my mother's name.

"Those two are still together? Wow. Anyway dear, you tell your family that I was asking about them okay?" I nodded, and watched as she got up and photocopied sheet after sheet. She talked me through my classes and gave me a short tour of the building. My first class was English Literature.

I walked into the classroom full of humans, the smell made my throat hurt, but I had had plenty of practice with humans, I could deal with the smell no matter how much it hurt. The teacher introduced me too the class and showed me too my seat. I heard a few people snigger when they heard that my last name was "Cullen" everyone knew the Cullen's.

The teacher Mr Richards gave me a seat next to a petite blonde girl called Laura. Laura had glasses, and her head was in a book. She looked at me and smiled.

"Hi I'm Laura" she put her hand out for me too shake it, I took it and gave it a little shake.

"Renesmee" I said.

"I know who you are" she looked at me with a smirk and bit down at her bottom lip. "Your a Cullen right? Wow I've heard so many stories" Of course she had. Cullen equals freak in Forks. I gave a fake smile and tried my best too listen too Mr Richards. But all I kept thinking about was this stranger Liam, its just a school girl crush I told myself. Of course the feelings I felt for Liam were nowhere as near as my feelings for Jacob, but I still couldn't get this boy out of my head. Why? I didn't know.

I walked too the cafeteria with Laura. She talked and talked and talked while I listened. I still had eyes following me wherever I went, but I ignored them. I walked into the cafeteria hoping too see him, I sat down at an empty table with Laura, with no food in front of me of course, I glanced around the room and took in every table, trying to find the one where he would be at. On one of the tables a group of cheerleaders sat, they were staring at me, but not in a friendly way, the table next too them were a bunch of pervy guys, who were blowing kisses at me every two seconds. Gross. I looked at each of their faces and saw Liam. He was sat among these idiots? Seriously. And not only was he sat among them, he was laughing and joking with them. I was still staring at him, and then he looked at me and smiled, as soon as he done this, one of the cheerleaders, I was guessing the head cheerleader, walked up to Liam and wrapped her arms around him. She was pretty, but nothing special. She had long blonde hair, and way too much make up. Her cheerleader skirt was way too small for her, but that's probably how she wanted it too be. I felt like I was living in the world of "Mean Girls".


End file.
